Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
