No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
