I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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