i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
