am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
