Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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