you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
