You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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