That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
