thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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