He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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