hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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