i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
