I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
