Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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