How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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