I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
