Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
