I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
