he puts the penis in happiness.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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