We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
