I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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