ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
