This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
