i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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