So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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