69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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