he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
