He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
