Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
