hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish they made helmets for livers.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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