I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
True strength comes from lack of pants
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
