No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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