yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
