Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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