I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
