Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Redeem this text for a blowjob
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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