my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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