Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
