A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Randomize
