How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
