Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
