I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
3 2 1 whiskey
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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