I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
