my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
