Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
