I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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