sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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