You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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