he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
