My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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